Limbo

Does this cat look slightly grumpy to you? Just a smidgen fed up with the medical establishment, possibly a tad cynical? Join the club, Tiger.

Ever seen 'House'? Medics having a great big barney before giving the patient the wrong medical treatment, nearly killing them, but saving them in time for the final credits (unless black, you usually die in House if you're black, it's 50:50 if you're Hispanic).

This afternoon my oncologist told me that they don't know what's going on in my breast, they have lots of conflicting information, he can't quite believe it is a tumour, because it's a jolly big one to have arrived so fast, and there's definitely fluid there; he's recommending a further biopsy & MRI scan before any surgery happens. Meanwhile, surgical team were most keen to do exploratory surgery, come what may - and may yet overrule him (if in doubt, cut it out; the power of the knife, eh lads?). The liver abnormalities didn't suggest cancer to him, it may be inflamed though, painful is it? Do you drink much? Two sips since January, not even two units, it makes me so ill. Hmmm, he said, thoughtfully, let's take one step at a time. I'm under strict instructions to live each day as it comes, and await Tuesday's biopsy (and the MRI might not be until 8th Sept - that's a lot of waiting).

I couldn't exactly murder someone, but... you were with me JS - how am I supposed to forget that conversation with HBC? You know, the one where she prepared me for a mastectomy and chemotherapy, saying, "Don't worry, we won't leave you without a nipple", not the sort of comment you forget, that, really.

I've got a 3 month sick note that says 'Breast Cancer'. And it hurts. And I've been preparing myself for serious medical treatment (not to mention those around me - what have you been put through???) All I will now hope for is to absolutely submerge myself in displacement activity until Tuesday - it doesn't feel wise to either get excited about being in the clear, or indeed the opposite. Official limbo.